Poop!

Hello all! I must apologize for my recent neglect as it pertains to this here blog. The truth is that I've been, yet again, sucked into playing one of these free online games. A month or two ago I found msyself waking up in the middle of the night to come to the PC bhang (PC "room") to check up on my status in a turn based game called Pimpslord.com (http://www.pimpslord.com). Games there last 7 days and after a week of work I felt a little defeated and subsequently decided to quit playing.
Coincidentally, I stumbled upon an incredibly similar game called "The Mafia Boss" (http://www.themafiaboss.com). I've been busy playing this turn based game for about 5 days. These games last for 10 days. I'm ranked #5 in the world! I happen to have joined the strongest family around so I have major protection lending to my success but my experiences at Pimpslord.com prepared me well. Fret not y'all; I'll be adding to this blog with some juicy updates really soon!!! Stay tuned...

It's hot as hell today here in South Korea. It's the humidity I tell ya! It seems like just a few weeks ago there was snow on the ground and now I'm sweating buckets. My apartment has heating of course but no AC, just windows and a couple fans. Same thing's true for the school where I work. All my long sleeve shirts are no longer usable. Short sleeves only!

My flatmate, Michelle, continues to annoy for no good reason I might add. I was taking a shower this morning and the water went cold for about 2 minutes. The thermostat panel is in her room and although it might've been a freak occurrence I can't help but suspect her of foul play. A week and a half ago I found transparent glass shards on the shower floor. Luckily, I spotted them while waiting for the water to get hot. She had broken a glass bottle of make-up a full week or more prior to my finding the glass. I shower everyday so it is a mystery how a couple dangerously sharp pieces of glass could 'appear' where there had been none for at least a week since her breaking of the bottle. If my suspicions are true all I can say is that she is obviously a sick twisted bitch whose probably got a lot of issues. In the beginning of our time of cohabitation I tried on several occasions to speak with her but she responded only with an overly dramatic slamming of her door. She stays in her room 99% of the time. Very strange... I believe it has something to do with the fact that she's honestly quite ugly and I don't offer much support for her in that department. One night at the beginning she admitted that her face was less than desirable and like an idiot, instead of correcting her I let it go without any reassurance since she was 100% right.

I tried something new today after running into more Korean prejudice. I was at a major underground arcade of sorts trying to find a CD/DVD for a new song that's been released which also runs as an ad for a type of cell phone currently on the market. I saw the DVD being played a week ago on a big TV that was for sale. After hitting the record stores and having no luck I followed the advice of a few and tried the stores/kiosks that sell the cell phones. I got the run around and after 5 stores or so (they're everywhere) I started to get pissed. They kept telling me to go here and go there but in the end I was just going around in circles for their entertainment I have no doubt. I took the subway home and whistled the National Anthem (of America) to annoy my fellow passengers. Once out of the subway station I made my way through an immense park that is between my apartment and the station. I started telling people I passed "USA...#1!!" Some ignored me. Some wanted to argue and say that Korea was "numba wun!" I explained that Korea is actually number 12 if we're going by the size of the economy; a fact that used to make me admire this country which has come so far, so fast. "No, no, no," one man said in contempt "USA is numba twelve." As I approached the end of the park portion of my walk home I saw a couple on a blanket enjoying the arriving evening cool. The man was Korean and well built. The woman he was with was young, pretty, white and severely pregnant. I looked at them and decided to see what they'd think of my proclamation. The woman smiled but her boyfriend/husband seemed really annoyed and tried to play it off like he knew that what I was saying wasn't true. Though it IS! So I repeated my taunt a couple more times as I continued to walk since I received nothing but looks from the two. The final time I said it, the Korean guy seemed as though he was about to jump up and possibly try to kick my ass. That would've been interesting and made for one helluva better story.
So if you ever come to Korea and want to piss people off I suggest this as a rather innocent way of doing so. Another thing to do when they start treating you like you're stupid is to tell them very loudly in front of everyone that they are "very clevah!" Say "You very clevah!!!" and "You sooo clevah!!!" Repeat as necessary until the proper amount of rage is seen in the eyes of the Korean you are mocking. Enjoy!!!!

So as I indicated in my last post I got Friday off. I was out for an early morning walk and I decided to walk past my school where I teach. It's a six story building and the business I work for fills up the second and third floors. So I went to the second floor and whadaya know? The receptionist was sitting behind her desk in casual attire and all the lights were on. She was chatting with a woman I've seen hanging around a couple times before. After making eye contact through the glass door I strolled into the lobby and asked what she was doing here. She didn't respond because supposedly she can't speak English. I said "ok. I've just come to retrieve my sunglasses. I left them on my desk in the teacher's room." As I made my way toward the entrance of the teacher's room I noticed that the owner's office door was open. After a few seconds I emerged with my sunglasses on. I looked in the owner's office and he was sitting at his desk! If you read my post regularly you'll know that this is highly suspicious since he supposedly took a job as an engineer roughly a month ago. Friday was not a national holiday either. It was a day off specific only to the franchise for which I work. I think the owner lied to us at his farewell dinner. He must work from home now, handling the business side of things from the cozy confines of his pampered lair.
Just another example of Korean deception.

Today's Friday. What's strange is that on these rare days off instead of sleeping in I wake up super early. What am I thinking?! I'm just listening to my internal clock I suppose. I wake up and try to fall back asleep but on these days when I have nothing to do I end up getting out of bed, putting on some clothes and going for a walk. On days when I have to work I am able to go back to sleep (I don't go to work until 2pm). I'm doing one of two things and I'm not sure which. I'm either sleeping on work days to help myself avoid the inevitable reality that I have to go to work -OR- I am trying to save my energy for what I get paid to do (teach) instead of burning it on a stroll that has no destination whatsoever. This is a good thing about living in Korea that I must concede. I live in Incheon. Incheon is a city of 3 million that's very close to Seoul, the capitol. In fact, it's so close that the subway stops close to my apartment can take me to Seoul and beyond. The public transportation system is immense. I have a National Geographic map I took from my Grandma before I left that shows population density in North and South Korea. The area from my port city of Incheon to Seoul is the most densely populated area on the entire peninsula. I read yesterday that Seoul is the fifth densest city in the world. It makes those strolls of mine pretty interesting from time to time. Lots of stuff to look at I suppose.

Am I the only straight guy who enjoys shopping?! Sure, grocery shopping isn't my idea of a good time. Neither is shopping for socks at Target! But I love to go shopping when I have money to burn on quality merchandise. Whether it's a watch from the jewelry store or a new pair of shoes from the finest designer, shopping is a thrill! In today's consumer market, having nice things is very important. Therefore I like having nice things. Some may say, "With that money you could've bought such and such!" I already spend enough money on consumables; why not treat myself to the finer things with the money that remains?! I admit, it makes me feel better about myself as it's designed to do. I don't use credit cards though. Cash only! If I can't afford it and have to put in on plastic well then it isn't right for me to buy it. This is a valuable rule for myself and it is also why I have PERFECT credit (brag, brag...) . Anyways, save up some money and do something really awesome. You'll thank yourself and be a better person for doing so!

Happy 420 all. Since Korea has draconian laws pertaining to illicit drugs including but not limited to Mary J, I will not be celebrating properly this year. Oh well. I needed a break I suppose. Give the old lungs a chance to heal before another ripping 40 years or so...lol. At least the weather here is nice today. Yesterday it was raining buckets or as I heard once "It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock."
Here's to all you stoners; CHEERS!

This experience teaching respectless children and working for even less respectful management may help me in my future career as a stand up comic. I'm not joking! The rejection an aspiring comic must face at least once in their career will be no worse than my daily trudge here in S. Korea.
The shameless name calling in their monkey tongue knows no bounds. Their thievery of anything and everything is remarkable. Their more than annoying proclamations that they desire attention at that precise moment regardless of whatever else I am doing are never ending and repeated as many times as necessary. A student who has spent the class goofing off and insulting you any way he knows how can all of a sudden look at you with the innocence of an angel and DEMAND your help. Since I work at a private institution and am therefore in the business of consumer education, there is no choice in the eyes of my employers or the children's paying parents than to strive endlessly to meet every rotten kid's needs with only the utmost kindness, care and attention.
On a personal reflection note: I wonder how many of the kudos I received at the private schools I attended came from an obligation set forth by the management instead of them being true and sincere accolades for a job well done. I guess I will never know...

I guess they're everywhere. People who think they've got a leg up on things and probably they really do. I'm in a country where group identity is stressed and individuals are punished. It's funny; they've got a flag, a military and borders protecting this safe-haven of Korean bigotry and pride. People from elsewhere are charged more at the door oh and that drink'll be twice as much too. Their notions of honor for those older than themselves stop at the border. If you're from "out there" then forget about being that recipient of common courtesy much less appreciation or respect. Expect the tiniest flaws to be pointed out to you relentlessly. I think that life in Korea strengthens a person but some people don't need anymore strengthening. Life has already dealt them enough blows to make their shields all too thick sometimes. All we get is currency in return. I guess we're kind of like prostitutes. We get paid to help these kids feel better about themselves; to help Koreans in general get a chance to poke fun at the mightiest country in the world, the USA. We have 30,000 troops here you know. I'm sure that over time they've done their part in hurting AND helping our image here. Koreans are incredibly competitive. I think they must really enjoy having an American to pick on knowing I'll never understand what they're saying since no one wants to help me learn to speak Korean. It's a guarded club they've got here. They import people like myself for a host of reasons and somewhere at the bottom of the list is to teach English to their kids. It helps to look at it from afar; not to mention a stiff drink if I do say so myself. Cheers!

What's up with all these oddly shaped three dimensional figurines when all I see are circle, square and triangle holes? Why have things become so hard to fit? Is it my fault? Is it all that psychoactive material I've done with myself? Is it a simple function of being human? What's with this outsider's realm I seem to inhabit? Am I a child in the wilderness (referencing the children of Israel's wander through the wilderness)? If I strike this rock with my rod will water spew forth as it did for Moses? Can I part the sea to escape from my enemies? Will there be a promised land filled with unexpected giants who I will have to smite in order to receive my birthright? Will I die before the journey is done? Too many questions, not enough steam.

Yes, yes. I am back from outer space. Here to bring you more startling revelations aimed at shedding that hard to find light on truth and it's close cousin reason. I have formed a theory in recent months. People who are too hung up on anything are trying to hide something. This theory is not bulletproof but hear me out. A lot of times when you see a person wearing a lot of jewelry it is my opinion that perhaps they grew up poor and are trying to make up for that. A person who wears too much make up might be hiding the fact they think they're ugly. I think people who run marathons are idiots. What are you running from?! Is there a bear chasing you? Has there or will there ever be a bear chasing you? For most of us that's an unlikely scenario. What are marathon runners and avid exercisers trying to make up for? I think it's that they have an unnecessarily large need to be in control. In this, of themselves. I have a close relative who is hell bent on punishment and discipline. He revels in spanking his daughter and all his advice has a thread of my need for more discipline in my life. He happens to be a former marathon runner.
Don't get me wrong. I think it's great to have goals that you find challenging but 26 and a half miles is little much if you ask me. Are they trying to kill themselves? I recently saw P. Diddy on Late Night with David Letterman. Letterman asked if he'd be running another marathon again any time soon. P.D. just looked at him and finally after a comedic silence responded that only if Bill Gates gave 50 million to help AIDS in Africa or something equivalent would he ever do anything like that ever again. He said he almost died, all joking aside.
P. Diddy offers a perfect example of the theory I'm telling you all about. He came up poor. Now he wears lots of diamonds, drives fancy cars and has the best clothes money can buy. He also has a need for power since perhaps his younger years were filled with a lack thereof. This explains his desire to complete a marathon a couple years back.
I say chill out and watch the world go round. Do stuff and make yourself happy but think about excess and question why you're doing what you're doing from time to time.

I recently spoke with a dear old friend. We discussed fear. I was reminded of the time my brother-in-law taught me to ride his motorcycle. He warned me that you mustn't fear falling during a turn or else that may be exactly what happens. It's an issue of keeping your eyes where you want to go. If you look to the side for too long you'll usually find your vehicle drifting that way. Some people I've befriended have filled my head with fear. Fear that people will judge me wrong. Fear that people won't find me attractive. Fear that I'm just not good enough. I didn't used to have these fears believe it or not. I am trying to rid myself of them and get back to the person I used to be. It's difficult. In spite of the unfortunate loss of my former self I'd like to say that I believe the fears have made me stronger; less naive.
Don't get me wrong. Fear has not taken over my life or made me into someone wholly different. It's tainted my positivity though. And it's positive thinking that wins the game. Think positive everybody!!

The pull of that dream lures me to more familiar waters. Offering saline and gregorious ramifications open a new world. The smell of freshly cut grass entices my nose. My fist still wet from a good fucking. Living freely and making history daily. The sarcasm has come full circle and become truth. The legend has become life. Never again, I mutter, never again.

I hate to complain but I want to try and explain my situation. By staying here I am helping my flatmate and supervisor, both women, feel better about themselves. And in a sick way, not a good one. I'm like their trapped pet who they have control over. But some people have pets and love them but some have pets just to feel powerful. Sometimes when the pet owner realizes the pet resents being trapped the owner, instead of setting it free, goes on keeping it as a pet but without any kindness shown to it. Merely as a trophy of sorts to show off or talk about while away. To use to make one look and feel better to others. It's easy for them to talk shit about me knowing I'll never get ear of it and even if I did there'd be nothing I could do about it really. Violent reprisal is not an option because it is against the law and that's really not my nature. I'm just stuck putting up with the hierarchy until I muster the energy to leave. I'm saddened because I know that my experience so far has only shown me that although I may escape one oppressive hierarchy I will undoubtedly find myself in another in only a matter of time. Bouncing around from one unhappy hierarchy to another, feeling helpless, looking at it from a distance and being upset that I am at the bottom and can do nothing to change that. Sometimes I wish for a miracle to happen. For my oppressors to be exposed for the fakes and losers they are by some third party intervention who CAN feed it to them, unlike me. Sometimes I console myself by reciting a cliche saying like "what goes around comes around". These are the sentiments that make people start believing in Heaven. They want to believe that one day the injustices will be made just; that the scales will be returned to their rightful balance. Movies fill our heads with false hope that the "bad guys" always get it in the end. The truth is that escape is really the best and only thing we can usually ever do but to where and for what? I guess I'll just keep searching for a hierarchy I like.

Today is Arbor Day in South Korea. I've got the day off!!! In my home country of the USA Arbor Day is celebrated on the last Friday of April but South Korea is a little different. Don't forget to plant a tree y'all!

I feel like things have changed a lot since I was born. It wasn't so long ago that people pursued leisure activities in their free time. These days, instead of spending Sunday being lazy, you have to go do stuff to be considered cool. Things like rafting, hiking, mountain biking and other outdoor activities spring to mind. I have this vision that in the 70's people were cool just sitting around and not doing much. Go over to so and so's house on a Sunday morning for a little wake and bake followed by a lazy day of guacamole, music and TV. What happened to those days? Health is more than an obsession with living a long life, it has become the only acceptable way to be. It's had an impact on how people drink too. Since I am a drinker I remember the pictures painted by authors of by gone eras. Eras when people drank very regularly to the point of excess. Those days are gone. Now people are called alcoholics if they enjoy mixing alcohol and life too much. How can you get up early enough to drive into the mountains for a full day of mountain biking if you're hung over from the night before?
There's more to my thoughts and here it goes. In addition to laziness being an uncool thing kindness has also taken a back seat. I think it's the sportsmans' competitive streak that is tainting the once easy going and friendly neighbor of yesteryear. It's getting nearly impossible for me to find nice lazy people! If they're lazy, they're mean ugly losers who don't want to share a nice afternoon with you. If they're nice, well, beware; they might have some sinister motive. They might want to use you somehow. No one seems to just be nice and want to spend the day relaxing enjoying each others' company. Everyone has to be doing something and that something involves competing. Whose got more endurance, who has the bigger balls, who has performed best during our day of 'rest'?
Give me a neighborhood full of stoners and lonely housewives and I'll show you a happy man. I want avocado trees in the backyard. I want my buddies to all have their own gardens. I want the woman I meet to be hornier than hell and in need of some personal attention. I want my neighbors to be at ease spending the day getting stoned and listening to great music. I want my nights to be loud and boisterous full of alcohol consumption. I want something I can't have.
It looks like I need to start exercising, stop drinking, and start cultivating an unnecessary need to be the best. Instead of investing my cash in a weekend of red eyed memories, I must buy a bike and raft rack for my car. I must find suitable locations to pursue these activities and I must pursue them weekly. All this just to be cool. Nothing in life is free and it looks like the money makers have even tapped into the "coolness" market by making it necessary to buy sport's equipment and take part in competitive activities.
Where's my time machine? I want to go back! Take me back to the days of bell bottoms and Led Zepplin. Take me back to the days of martini sippin' private detective The Thin Man or The Great Gatsby. But it'll never happen. I'm stuck here for now. Oh well...

So many good-byes lately. Life just keeps on changing. The headlines have alerted me that Schiavo, Cochran, and soon the Pope will have all bit the dust. In local news the owner of the business I work for has taken a job as an engineer making stuff like motors or something. I am the only remaining male in my workplace. I'm a dying breed. Or perhaps it's true that education is a woman's domain. The history of Korea leaves nothing to the imagination as far as their need to maintain fascist dictatorships. It's a proven fact that when you take a person or people who have historically been shit on and give them some power that they shit on anybody they can get to stand close enough to their asshole. I remember hearing a story from a Guatemalan back in the states who told me about the difference between gringo border patrol guys and Hispanic border control guys. Essentially, the Hispanic guys were the roughest toughest and most abusive border guys. They don't hesitate beating an illegal or a questionable illegal for that matter within inches of their life. I've seen the same theme played out on the silver screen in depictions of the LAPD. A rap lyric comes to mind from our beloved Ice Cube: "...black cop showin' off for the white cop..." Koreans were brutally suppressed by the Japanese for over 50 years; RECENTLY! Then they got caught in a shit storm with the communists and the capitalists at the wheels. Whose drivin' this goddamn country they must've said; certainly not us! Finally, the free South has aggressively pursued international trade and with the success of companies like Samsung South Korea has become the twelfth largest economy in the world. Pretty unbelievable considering where they were the year I was born: 1978. These motherfuckers are the most controlling, domineering group of fascists I've ever been subject to. I've had some crazy bosses with serious Napoleon complexes but this one takes the cake. Such societal insecurity from a not-so-distant past makes life as a Western male pretty tough. I think that in addition to South Korea's history of oppression the mere philosophy of Eastern society makes life as a Westerner a bit difficult. That's why there's a distinction between Westerners and Easterners I suppose. As I type this I wonder if I should save more for later or just go ahead and give you the full synopsis. I've decided to save some for later. Best wishes! And I mean it when I say "may all those who have died rest in peace."