Poop!

I hate to complain but I want to try and explain my situation. By staying here I am helping my flatmate and supervisor, both women, feel better about themselves. And in a sick way, not a good one. I'm like their trapped pet who they have control over. But some people have pets and love them but some have pets just to feel powerful. Sometimes when the pet owner realizes the pet resents being trapped the owner, instead of setting it free, goes on keeping it as a pet but without any kindness shown to it. Merely as a trophy of sorts to show off or talk about while away. To use to make one look and feel better to others. It's easy for them to talk shit about me knowing I'll never get ear of it and even if I did there'd be nothing I could do about it really. Violent reprisal is not an option because it is against the law and that's really not my nature. I'm just stuck putting up with the hierarchy until I muster the energy to leave. I'm saddened because I know that my experience so far has only shown me that although I may escape one oppressive hierarchy I will undoubtedly find myself in another in only a matter of time. Bouncing around from one unhappy hierarchy to another, feeling helpless, looking at it from a distance and being upset that I am at the bottom and can do nothing to change that. Sometimes I wish for a miracle to happen. For my oppressors to be exposed for the fakes and losers they are by some third party intervention who CAN feed it to them, unlike me. Sometimes I console myself by reciting a cliche saying like "what goes around comes around". These are the sentiments that make people start believing in Heaven. They want to believe that one day the injustices will be made just; that the scales will be returned to their rightful balance. Movies fill our heads with false hope that the "bad guys" always get it in the end. The truth is that escape is really the best and only thing we can usually ever do but to where and for what? I guess I'll just keep searching for a hierarchy I like.