Poop!

I awoke to the sudden and blaring reality that my life was in danger. To have endangered myself in this manner is absolute and undeniable stupidity. The vocation and trade school of her pupils called out to me with words of forlorn danger. I wanted to go back to sleep but the sound of the school bells kept ringing in my head. I looked at the floor hoping to see some sign of life but all I saw were my remote controls and white carpet. "Damn!" I said to myself. "How can this be happening?!" My dog was now but a distant, happy memory.

And then it hit me, I was forgetting that one lesson I'd learned so long ago. And believe you me it came at a price. I remembered that all is nothing. That solitude may be bliss not misery. That we are all just dust in the wind as Joan Baez so lovingly taught us. So don't care about things like you do you worry wart! In attaining this enlightened and zen like state it also dawned on me that one must find things in their life that make it worth while but in so doing you may lose the meaning and insight of your enlightened state.

So it's a fine line we must walk. Between worry and carelessness. Between loathing and love.

The crazy thing is that when I heard her voice I immediately hung up! Just like a goddamn 5th grader or even worse like Adam Sandler used to do on Saturday Night Live when he had that sketch where he'd call his ex-girlfriend Nicole (played by Shannon D. from 90210) and then hang up on her. It was a public access spoof...funny stuff!

Speaking of funny Saturday Night Live stuff, here's something I found randomly when googling image searches for the aforementioned sketch (which I, unfortunately, did not find):

Feeling good in the neighborhood. No more fits waking me at 5am to step out and get high. I really am a pot addict. I always have to have my own supply. Smoking socially has never been a desirable option. With alcoholics, even after a long period of abstinence, if they go back to drinking their need to drink does not diminish with time. You go right back to needing as much as you did the day you quit. Your body doesn't reset unfortunately. I wish I could just smoke here and there but I can't. So I think it's time to really quit. I can't believe I'm saying that...

I have tasted love once - full blown. It was the most powerful thing I have ever known. They say that hate is what has shaped world history, not love. They say hate/anger is a more powerful emotion but I beg to differ. To take the progression of this post in a direction that will lead to its termination: they also say that anger turned inside becomes depression.

So riddle me this wiseguy: Has depression shaped world history?

Something to ponder.

Kiss my ass dealership! But maybe insurance will pay. My foglamps are so low to the ground and recessed into the molded nose of the vehicle it is crazy to think someone took BB's to them. I remember encountering some flying gravel on the interstate recently and I'm sure that's what did it. So maybe my insurance will pay. I took pictures but the computers at this library are not friendly to connecting my camera and I hate to pay kinkos their outrageous fee so no pics; SORRY!

Well I walked out to my car just a little while ago and whadaya know, someone took BB's to my foglamps. Ain't that a bitch?! I'm a real popular guy, eh? I'm awaiting a call from the dealership to replace them. Wonder how much that'll cost. I have this feeling that it is retribution for massive text messaging fees accrued by Stefanie the clown. Her family lives in my neck of the woods and she has a brother who is undoubtedly at her beckon call. Just a theory; I'd hate to be accused of being a schizophrenic so I will simply replace them and hope it doesn't happen again. Perhaps it is the HUGE stuffed penguin I have seatbelted into my passenger's seat that has drawn the unwelcome vehicular assault, who knows???

In other news, I saw Laura and George talking to Katie Couric last night about the Virginia Tech massacre. Laura looked like an anamatronics robot from the hall of presidents. I was instantly convinced that 'they' have put microchips in the president and first lady's head to make them smarter. I could envision Laura looking perplexed and talking to a confidant and saying "they give us strange dreams..."

You know there's all kinds of crazy technology out there that we're not being told about. Chips in the head seems reasonable. That they could make a person smarter is an interesting assumption. And to imagine that they give poor Laura strange dreams is fascinating. I wonder when we'll all get the superchip. I wonder if I'll be the first or last in line.

Yes, well, here it is. The day we've all waited for. The cast of characters was like a projects roll call. Everyone dressed for the occasion ofcourse. They shook their heads in disbelief and said a prayer. God knows it was a tragedy. What horror. What shame. What fear and loathing. Can you believe he was a S. Korean? I bet he went to one of those english academies like the one I taught at...poor kid.

Well folks, hmmmmm. Once the psychologists delve into this one all questions will be answered. A popular jock angry from high steroid use? A straight A student from the area? A street walker all the way from New York? A surfer from Australia?

Only time will tell. Needless to say, it will be interesting to discover the motive of this obviously insane and disturbed human.

Ok, so you know what bothers me? Some hypocrite calling me stupid behind my back because I got pulled over for not wearing my seatbelt which led to my PCS charge and the subsequent treatment program I now find myself in. I remember a few years ago when I got my DUI they told me I must've done it something like 1,000 times to get caught that time; and they were right! I've driven fucked up so many times, they're right. It's just mathematics and odds and probabilities. But is that to say that I am not stupid? No, I am stupid.

But it's the math that'll get ya!

Fear of the unknown. Some people just moan and groan. 1 down, 100,000 to go. All u need is 1 more show. Silence is deadly. Life is a medley. Screamin & creamin.

I've learned why I'm having such vivid dreams and it is because I am clean and sober.

Here's a dream I had night before last. It was vivid as hell and lasted a pretty long time.

I was a prisoner in N. Korea. We were at a large cobble stoned palace I guess. It kind of reminded me of the Mayan temples but the ground was cobble stoned. And there was a reunion going on. And all this food was being served. As it turned out, I had somehow broken a rule and violated N. Korean space and was therefore to be held, as prisoner, for 2 years. My time there was just starting but there was a group from an island nation who had already served their 2 years and were back for a reunion which explained the food and strange group of islanders with a festive attitude in the middle of this nightmare. I was taken by a little chubby woman dressed in khaki military regalia who looked like Kim John-Il except she was a woman to a room for special food treats and other oddities of a non-sexual nature. She ran in front of me as she led me, she was so excited. It was a strange oxymoron of being a prisoner there because they were almost glad to have me though I was being held against my will. I think I met Kim Jong-Il towards the end of the dream and he was a real normal dude. One of those asian men who watched a lot of John Wayne movies, ya know?

Wow! Bitches in jags are bitches fo sho! Damn! I was driving here and this old white broad in a new jag totally whips out in front of me from a side street on the opposite side of the road; plenty of visibility! Totally did it on purpose. Damn! I flipped her off and got in front of her and slowed way down. She finally passed me and when she did I yelled out my window "FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!" at the top of my lungs. She flipped me off in exchange.

Nice one grandma!!!

In other news, I wrote one the most prolific text poems of all times a few days ago, here it is (keep in mind I'm sending these things to a working girl...): If I'm just your fan and barely a man then why do I stand and stare at the sand? Your footprints and mine washed away by time. Just a memory of when you were mine.

So I told her goodbye shortly after sending the previous poem. Her silence hurts my feelings and so I had to let her go. Not to mention she was a hustin' ho who got the better of me more than once. Guess what, she drove the exact same Jaguar as the old lady I just almost ran into. Whew! What a coi-ki-dink, que no???

Some girls get boobs and some guys get dicks. That's the difference between gangsters and hicks. Sex is god so it isn't odd that pimps get paid and wimps get laid.

Take me as I am!

Here are some poems I've written recently via text message which accounts for their length. Enjoy!

Some inherit love and some inherit hate. Living in a world where everyone wants to dominate. My grandfather's sins passed down onto me. But I just wanna be free!

My cat snow has cancer in its belly. When it takes a shit it's really smelly. I pray to god and cry all day "please don't take my cat away" If you don't I'll pay & pay

With such a small dick what good is he? All he can do is go pee. When it comes to satisfaction and it's up to me I take 2 dicks or 3 and that makes me happy!!!!!

The prodigal son meant nothing to some. He lay awake and knew he was dumb. To fill her with cum he became a bum. Trash on the street just for some meat.

Easter fools and april bunnies sit by pools and ask for money. Piggy bank squeals "no more honey!" Fuck u pig, it's warm and sunny.

Pervert weirdo, bed of shame. Turned him off before he came. The voices he heard inside his head told him he would soon be dead. Rockstar whore I want more.more

Asians never think I'm good enough. Why is that, becuz I puff? Copious amounts of my friend mary. I'll burn in hell because I'm very dedicated 2 the cause.Let's pause