Poop!

I lost my license just under a year ago. In 17 days I'll be 'alive' again! Until then I'm stuck just watching time slip away. It was April 23rd of last year...it was a Sunday. I'd just gotten off the road and had a bank full of money. Since I was bored and lonely I decided to take the bottle of liquor that'd been sitting in my passenger's seat and go check out the strip clubs. I started early and before I knew it I was leaving my third club close to midnite. I decided not to take the interstate for fear of the 'full-growns' (state troopers). I figured that since it was a lazy Sunday night the rich side of town would offer me easy sailing all the way home. As I passed an important park and landmark in this city of mine I saw the cops waiting for me at a roadblock. I made a last second decision to make a withdrawal at an ATM about a block before the roadblock. As I stood fumbling in front of the ATM an African-American officer in his late 40's or early 50's approached me and asked for my license. He asked if I'd come talk to him when I got done at the ATM. I said "Sure." After a few more minutes I got in the car and drove into the parking lot they'd taken over just next door. I pondered where the best place to put my oz. of weed might be and since I didn't think I was drunk I thought my pocket would be a great place for it. He asked me if I'd been drinking...I said "Yeah, but not much and I stopped a couple hours ago." He administered some field sobriety tests which I think I nailed. He asked me to put my hands behind my back and put on the cuffs. I was very calm and accommodating the entire time. He searched my pockets and found the weed. What was there for me to say? I just stared at the ground. He put me in his car and off we went. I spent the night in jail and had to be locked in a room with about 8 guys, one of whom was certifiably nuts. He was talking to himself and touching himself. What a way to have your buzz wear off! The next morning I had to have my mom come bail me out. She was surprisingly calm and understanding her darn self. A buddy of mine gave me the name of a lawyer who used to be a cop who now does brisk business given his 'insider' status and knowledge. He also spent some time as the liaison between the DA and the police department. In addition, after he earned his law degree he spent some time training soon-to-be cops at the academy in legal parlance.
I got lucky and a month later when I went to court I got the weed charge dropped which by the way was a felony! And never at any time did anyone even think about asking me where I'd gotten it which was a relief. The whole thing cost me pretty as it's designed to. This was a major reason why I left the country to go teach English. But as summer grew near and my probationary period of license suspension draws to a close I decided to leave my hell-ish situation in South Korea and come runnin' home.
It's soooo good to be back. It makes my appreciation of being an American all the more great. "USA numbah 1!"